Picture This

 

I

n a city far away, both in time and location, there lived a police captain who used figures of speech to improve the impact of his statements. One morning when his sergeant arrived, the captain turned to him and declared, “Sergeant, there’s an infestation of drug dealing rodents paving the innocent streets of Langomere with a poisonous buffet of criminal agendas.”

“I hear you, sir,” said Sergeant Smith. “Let’s go down to that neighborhood and arrest those drug dealers.”

“Yes,” the Captain said. “It’s about time that the strong arm of the law shined as a beacon that dances through the beehive of criminal sewers like a wrecking ball sweeping the floors of a pig sty.”

“But we really need to find the guys at the top, added Sergeant Smith.”

“Of course,” the Captain agreed. “We will dismember those running snakes whose octopus arms stretch over this great city and pollute it with the poisonous tea of broken dreams. But a hundred sharks rolling through their balance sheets will slap them in the bank account of egotism as if a helicopter attacking the cesspools of evil put out those wicked fires all the way down to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Let’s roll.”

 

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 Remember that the primary function of language is to communicate. All the other functions, including persuasion, entertainment, information, warning, exposing, punishing, amusing--are subordinate. Therefore, writing that fails to transfer the author's intention to the hearer or reader, fails.

Figurative language can  heighten nearly any communication, by making it more visual, imaginative, interesting, lively, and understandable. But of course, figurative language uses words in ways that are out of the ordinary compared with straight prose. Readers who mistake this are communicated with less well. Reading figurative language literally creates confusion and misunderstanding.

One sign of poor communication occurs  when the reader discovers that the writer is using mixed metaphors without knowing it. For example, "Approving this plan to pave the sidewalks will put this city on a fast train to the future where every school child can fly safely from home to classroom without fear of a flat tire."

Questions for Thought and Discussion

 1. Point out the mixed metaphors in the story.

2 Discuss the effect the mixed metaphors have on the reader.

3. The author obviously intended the story to be funny. What is funny about it and why?