Satan and the Stolen IFs: A Teaching Story

 

Satan and the Stolen IFs: A Teaching Story

One dull night in hell, an under-demon went up to Satan with an idea.

“We’re getting too much resistance to converting new Christians into new devils—except, of course, in churches that preach the Easy Gospel (those are the ones we call "easy-in, easy-out.")  Research indicates that in those churches where a set of moral and spiritual values (from that book) is not emphasized, the evangelistic message is watered down and presented as not having any universal behavioral application. But it makes it easy to call oneself a Christian. The term Christian is no longer a synonym for ‘deeply spiritual and loving follower of Jesus Christ.’”

“But what about that book? It tells them what to do and what not to do—in quite explicit terms.”

“Oh, Mighty Evil One. Excuse me, but you’re still living in 1950. No one reads that book any more. The new evangelistic come-on is ‘Come as you are and stay as you are.’ Converting those ‘believers’ to the Dark Side is like shooting fish in a barrel. Easy as eating devils’ food cake.”

“But certainly there are those few who have polluted society by using the old evangelistic appeal of ‘Come as you are and now change your world view and behavior to follow Christ and his teachings.’ And they probably read and try (I wish I could laugh at how hard it is for any of them to do this) to build their whole lives on the principles from that book.”

“You are exactly right. And my proposal exploits the principles of lying, darkness, error, mockery, confusion—."

“Yes, yes. Just blurt it out. I certainly hope you have some sort of good news in an idea that will cause damage to His kingdom and take away the pain you have just caused me by telling me your bad news. Tell me now. And the idea had better work or you will be in substantial pain for a long time.”

“My idea is this. We stop discouraging people from reading that book.”

“What? Are you seri—.”

“We just doctor it a little bit by removing all the ifs—.”

“Are you drunk, or just stupid?”

“—and every thing becomes lawful. Many of the new Christians are already running around saying that they are ‘free in Christ,’ ‘followers only of the law of Love’ and ‘the law of Liberty,’ and so on. They haven’t a clue as to what a conditional argument is.”

“For example?”

“Well, take that passage where the Son of the Enemy says that believers are commanded to forgive others. It’s in—.”

“—Remember that it is illegal to quote from that book.”

“Yes, well, ‘If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love’—gone,  zeroed, zippo, outta here! And, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.’ They'll never miss it."

“That’s enough. You’re making me sick.”

“And by eliminating all the ifs, there are no longer any conditions for these careless misreaders to meet. The only criteria they have left for decision making are those drawn from their untaught, unthought, unexamined fallen natures. Already I have a vision of billions and billions of careless misreaders going out of their way to dance themselves into hell.”

“Thinking they are successfully battling us! Ha ha ha—the Sixties are back: If it feels good, do it!—Under the law of love, of course. Oh, you make me feel so much better! I will see to it that your stay in the Chamber is reduced to a half-torture for a week.”

“Thank you so much!”

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Questions

1. Some nations, in the past and still today, have outlawed owning the Bible under penalty of death. What is in the Bible that makes it so hated--or feared--that governments put power and resources to keep it and its messsage away from people?

2. Have you ever paid attention to the number of if-clauses in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments?